Holy CowBook - 2015
From the critics
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This book is written from the perspective of a very insightful cow. No really her name is Elsie she is a milk cow and it is about her adventures through the barn yard.
Elsie, a regular cow on the farm always had a normal life until one day she realized something big. One night, she snuck out of her pen and caught the kids watching TV. She watched too and discovered that animals on the farm get killed for meat. So she decides to escape from the barn and to india
A cow named Elsie runs away from her farm—along with a turkey and a pig—in order to avoid being sacrificed for meat.
Elsie the cow is happy Iiving on the farm until she learns the truth about the eventual fate of farm animals. She teams up with Tom the turkey and Shalom the pig to try and escape doom and find Utopia. None of it goes as planned, but the all manage to live happily ever after.
From the actor best known as Mulder from The X-Files comes a debut novel that could start out as a joke: A cow, a pig and a turkey walk off of a farm… David Duchovny’s acerbic style is fully present as he presents this tale of modern bovine woe.
Elsie is a smart-alecky cow leading a pretty idyllic life (with very decided opinions on the other farm animals) until “the event” that changes her future. Upon learning that farm animals are raised to be slaughtered and eaten by the humans that (she thought) cared for them, Elsie and her pals Shalom the pig (formerly known as Jerry until he converted to Judaism) and Tom the turkey set out for lands more hospitable to their individual natures: Tom is off to Turkey, Shalom is set on Israel where pork is a no-no, and Elsie is going where cows are revered, not eaten – India.
The ways and means by which a turkey, pig and cow make it to Turkey, Israel and India requires them walking on two legs, some shady disguises, a circumcision, an iPhone, some guidance from Joe Camel in Palestine, and last but not least suspension of disbelief of enormous proportions. But with tongue fully planted in cheek they all get there in the end, and along the way Elsie throws the following issues into her readers’ faces – big agri-business, the Israeli-Palestinian conflict, and the legitimization of drugs, among others. Of course each meets their own Promised Land with trepidation and ultimately reality collides with their dreams in some hilariously disappointing ways.
Duchovny and his cow Elsie may not solve all the world’s problems with this novel but they certainly hold a mirror up to some of its more ridiculous facets, and allows us to laugh – albeit ruefully - at ourselves for our role in them.
QuotesAdd a Quote
When I awoke the middle child was milking me. I must have been awake before that, but I was kind of sleepwalking, half of me could not stop thinking of what I'd seen, which left only half of me to be awake and conscious and make my way through the day.
“You humans drink our milk and eat the eggs of the chickens and the ducks. Isn't that enough for you? Isn't it enough that we give you our children and what's meant for our children? And if not, when is it enough? All you humans do is take, take, take from the earth and its beautiful creatures, and what do you give back? Nothing. I know humans consider it a grave insult to be called an animal. Well, I would never give a human the fine distinction of being called an animal, because an animal may kill to live but an animal never lives to kill. Humans have to earn the right to be called animals again.”
Now personally, I think it's a little weird to drink another animal's milk. You don't see me walking up to some human lady who just gave birth, saying, "Yo, can I get a taste?" -Elsie the Cow
"Most people think cows can't think."